FROM: Eric Fritzius
DATE: February 4, 1999
SUBJECT: Talkin Power Ass. Blues Update
I’ve often suspected that the people who run the Tombigbee Electric Power Ass., here in Tupelo, are, in fact, morons. My evidence thus far has been the fact that last year they managed to delete me from existence in their computers yet continued to supply me with power for two months in a row and then tried to argue with me when I attempted to point out their mistake.
Those were merely suspicions.
Today I received an envelope in my mailbox that offered compelling evidence that confirms my suspicions far better than I could have imagined. The envelope contained two other envelopes, (an unmarked blue envelope and a postage-free Business Reply Mail envelope,) and a one-page voting ballot. There’s no need to reprint the entire letter here, since the first two paragraphs will more than suffice to prove my point that the Power Ass. is run by morons.
I now present the first two paragraphs of the ballot:
TO ALL TOMBIGBEE ELECTRIC POWER ASSOCIATION MEMBERS
Please detatch and mark ballot below and place in unmarked blue envelope. Place unmarked blue envelope in enclosed postage-free envelope. Sign certificate on back of postage-free envelope and return to the association’s auditor: Franks, Franks and Jarrell, CPA, who will see that the ballots are correctly counted.
All members of the Association should vote for Lee County directors and Itawamba County directors. Ballot must be postmarked no later than September 2, 1998.
If you still don’t know what the problem with this letter is, check the date at the top of this page then re-read the letter.
It was kind of nice that the ballot was due on my birthday, however the fact that the ballot was due on my birthday last year was a bit of a clue in that here there be morons.
The ballot went on to list 19 candidates from Lee and Itawamba counties, who, according to the ballot, will, when elected, serve a “Three Year Term Beginning In 1998.”
I plan to use their postage-free envelope to mail them copies of my previous Talking Power Ass. Blues stories.
Always, always, bet on morons.
Copyright © 1999 Mister Herman’s Production Company, Ltd