Author: Eric Fritzius
January 10, 2017
The wife and I were lying in bed last night, talking about Lenny Kravitz, as you do. She noted that for all nearly 17 plus years of our marriage Lenny’s been in a pretty high position on her Celebrity Free Pass list and how sad it was that he’s been entirely unaware of it.
“Dear Lenny,” she began composing aloud. “Too bad, so sad, that you could have been doing dirty dirty things to me for all these years. Also too bad that Nicole Kidman had to go and ruin you and make you cut off your dreads and now it’s far too late,” she continued. “Maybe,” she added. “P.S. I saw your wiener when it fell out of your pants during that concert in France, or England, or wherever it was.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it was in France,” I said. “Cause I heard there’s this place in France where naked ladies dance. And the men all walk around with their dingdongs hanging down.”
I waited for the burst of laughter from her side of the bed at my brilliantly-constructed joke. It was not forthcoming. “Come on!” I said. “That was a nice piece of business.”
“I don’t get it,” she said.
“You don’t get it? You’ve never heard the song?”
I then began to sing for her a verse of one of the oldest songs in my repertoire, sung to a tune that is over 160 years old, it turns out: “’There’s a plaaaace in Fraaaance where the naked ladies dance, and the men walk around with their dingdongs hanging down.’”
“Nope. Never heard it.”
“That’s too bad, cause if I had told that joke to anyone I knew in the 4th grade, it would have gone over like gangbusters.”
“What are gangbusters?”
