(SETTING: the Wife and I are sitting on the patio, drinking coffee and laughing about a nephew in his 30s who had just replied to a Facebook Messenger message from me three months after I sent it.)
THE WIFE— It’s because we’re still on Facebook. That’s where the old people hang out.
ME—We’re not on the Insta. We’re not down with the `Gram.
THE WIFE—I thought you were down with the `Gram?
ME— No, not me. I don’t have the `Gram.
THE WIFE—Ohhh, it’s Twitter that you’re always on.
ME— Mmm, not so much. I have a Twitter account, but I rarely use it for anything. Oops, sorry. I should say, “X (formerly known as Twitter).”
(Wife gives me a blank look.)
ME—You know… how they always have to say, “X (formerly known as Twitter)”?
(Wife gives me a blank look.)
ME—You are aware that they changed Twitter’s name, right? (Wife gives me a blank look.)
ME—Okay. Well, like, a year ago, Elon Musk changed Twitter’s name to the letter X. And he pulled the big blue Twitter bird off his building in San Francisco and put up a huge glowing X on the roof. And then all the neighbors sued him, because apparently no one sells blackout curtains thick enough to stop that many lumens. And now, whenever anyone in the media writes about someone posting something on Twitter, they have to say, “So and so posted this on X (formerly known as Twitter).”
THE WIFE—Uh huh.
ME—Last night, in a semi-dreaming state, I thought of something funny about it. I thought, “What if we just cut out the middle man and rename it TWIX?” But then I guess everyone would just have to write, “So and so posted on TWIX (formerly known as X, formerly known as Twitter).”
(Wife gives me a blank look.)
ME—There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I’m gonna have to workshop it a bit before I post it to Facebook. (Pause)
THE WIFE—You know you’re on Facebook too much when you dream of jokes to write on Facebook, right?