Actual Telephone Conversations Heard at My House #6
*RING*
ME– (ANSWERS PHONE) Hello?
(SILENCE)
ME– Hello?
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Hello?
(PAUSE)
ME– Hello?
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Um, yeah. Mr. Frizzzus?
ME– That’s me.
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Hi. This is Matt, with API.
ME– Uh huh.
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– We just wanted to call to tell you we’d like to send you a $1000 online gift certificate.
ME– I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have a strict policy here of accepting no solicitation over the phone.
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– (PAUSE) Um… This isn’t soliciting. (ANOTHER PAUSE) Um… what’s soliciting?
ME– Selling things over the phone.
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Oh, no. We’re not selling anything. I thought for a minute there you meant soliciting, like on TV shows… you know, like, with hookers.
(SILENCE AS I ALLOW THIS TO SINK IN)
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Uh, hello?
ME– Yeah, um, listen, this still sounds like something I’m not going to be interested in.
MATT THE STONER TELEMARKETER– Oh, no, it’s really great! It’s…
ME– You have a nice day, Matt.
*CLICK*